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I know I’m not much of a marketing person. A marketing person recently told me that if developers were in charge of marketing, sashimi would be marketed as cold dead fish. I said developers were not that naive. We would actually market it as delicious cold dead fish.

But, you know, there must be a point where even marketing people run out of ideas with a product.

What more is left to do with, or say about, toilet rolls?

You can put puppies and ducklings in your advertising and talk about how soft it is. You can give it a name and a motto that speaks to how tough and unyielding it is like “Green bamboo Toilet paper: Very Tenacious!”[1] You can scent its “core” to make it remind you less of what you do with it. You can print your enemy’s image or poetry on it. You can cover it with pictures of shells and fish to remind you where it ends up. You can cover it in brown paper with happy flowers on it to distract consumers from the feeling of environmental purgatory that using it is going to give you.

You can also decide to make a roll of toilet paper longer and make something out of that.

This is what’s written on the outside of a packet of Kleenex Cottonelle toilet tissue.

“Change the roll less often. Double length. It’s twice as long. 1 double length roll = 2 regular Kleenex brand rolls.”

Finding that much to say about 1x = 2y is worthy of whatever the toilet tissue industry equivalent of an Oscar is.

[1] J & I were given this brand of toilet paper in Hong Kong before a month-long trek through China. It lived up to its motto.