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Dr Phil Burgess, who featured in an earlier vignette here on Brainsnorkel, is in the news again!

Telstra’s CEO, and Australia’s favourite “public policy and communications” mime were conspicuous in their absense from the Australian Senate Estimates hearings this week. Selected excerpts from today’s excellent Crikey (direct link not available) illustrate the Senate’s ability to do do a very fine improv’ version of Monty Python’s Cheese Shop skit.

Senator CONROY—I note that Mr Trujillo does not seem to be here.

Mr Quilty—That is right.

Senator CONROY—Not good enough for him, again! Is there any chance your boss Dr Burgess is coming, Mr Quilty?

Mr Quilty—Not today.

Senator CONROY—We seem to be missing Mr Gration.

Mr Quilty—The corporate secretary is currently doing a course at Harvard.

Senator CONROY—So we have no-one from Telstra senior management present today at all?

Mr Quilty—We have a range of Telstra executives here today.

Senator CONROY—I used the word ‘senior’. It is not a reflection on anybody at the table—I do want to make that point. Even in the past when Mr Scales graced us with his presence, he would have been considered to be at the senior management level. But there is nobody from Telstra at the senior management level present today.

Mr Quilty—I would say that we have here some very senior—

Senator CONROY—Some fine and excellent people and I have met with many of them over many years now, but nobody from senior management.

Senator RONALDSON—Mr Quilty, if this continues, you will be bringing in the office cat for this in about two years time. [...]

Then the Snark was hunted.

Senator RONALDSON—When was Mr Burgess last in Canberra?

Senator CONROY—He has had his passport revoked for Canberra, Senator Ronaldson!

Mr Quilty—I am not aware of the exact date of his last visit. I would have to take that on notice.

Senator RONALDSON—Do you know whether he has been here this year?

Mr Quilty—I think he has, yes. He definitely has been here this year.

Senator RONALDSON—Absolutely, yes, but I do not think you want me to reinforce the point I made earlier on. He is the head of government relations, he is a senior executive, he could well have been here.
[...]

Finally, Senator Conroy translates Senator Ronaldson’s question for the benefit of the audience.

Senator RONALDSON—So Mr Burgess knows of the matters to be raised today. According to you—and I will take it as a no—he does not view with contempt the Senate estimates process. Why isn’t Mr Burgess here?

Mr Quilty—Telstra has taken a decision that I would lead the team and that, other than that, the team would remain the same as that which was here in February. We believe that we have the people here to answer the questions you will ask.

Senator CONROY—Is there anybody here at the table with an American accent?

Senator COONAN—I am afraid not.