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I stopped at a bank to get some money from an Automatic Telling Machine (ATM) this morning. Back when I worked for a bank we called ATMs Self Service Terminals (SST) but that’s another story.

I parked my car and entered the vestibule where the bank provides security for users of SSTs. And by provide security, I mean that it collects video of you being mugged, should that ever happen. There were two SSTs here. A woman was at one of them, punching numbers. I used the other.

As I was retrieving my cash, I began to hear the woman at the SST next to me start to emit noises that are best rendered in English thus:

“!”

Then “!!!”

Then “!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!! @$%*!”

Obviously, she was not happy.

“What’s up?”

“I asked for a balance and the power went off. What am I going to do? Do I have to stay here in case it spits my card out when the power comes back on?”

“Wow!” I responded. Helpfully.

“Maybe you should try using that customer service phone over there to get help.” I offered. It was nearing 7am, so no real-live bank staff would be around for a while.

“Good idea” she said, and headed off to read the instructions near the phone.

I took a look at the ATM she was using. The screen was black. None of the lights on the keypad, cash dispenser or card reader were on, but a fluorescent light built into the top was lit.

In a past life I had written availability and reliability reports for bank SSTs. In fact, I had written such applications for this bank’s SSTs. It was vital that I didn’t let her know that I had such insider knowledge, as past experience had shown that there is a portion of the general public who, when confronted with someone who knows something about these machines, tends to get all wide eyed and physically violent. Partucularly in high-stress situations involving SSTs.

I had to work fast. What could I do that used my intimate knowledge of the inner workings of these machines to help her without revealing my secret former identity?

I looked for clues.

I spotted something on the outside of the SST that piqued my interest.

“DIEBOLD”

Memories of not very l33t h8x0rz being able to hack election results on poorly designed Windows applications entered my consciousness. There was something there about software quality and cronyism too, but that was enough non-specific knowledge to make some progress. Back in my day we had nice, boring, predictable IBM and NCR SSTs. These SSTs of times gone by were obviously lacking in their ability to display compelling screen-savers and had to be replaced at any cost. This was a new generation of screensaver-enabled SST. I was disappointed that it didn’t have XML-compatible printed somewhere on the chassis too.

I was beginning to suspect a software, rather than a hardware, problem.

If this was, say, a Windows application, and it had blanked the screen and started playing dead, what would I do?

“Hit Ctrl-Alt-Del” I thought. Hmm… no real keyboard. “How about the escape key?” Hmm… no keyboard, but the CANCEL key might be the SST equivalent.

I pressed CANCEL. The SST sprung back to life and spat out the woman’s card.

“What did you do?” she asked.

“I pressed the CANCEL key”

“I would never have throught of that.”

I think you would have, if the machine were not playing dead.